The Complete List
The ABC of humor
We get it. There's a looot of titles to scour through at WTF Notebooks. So we made this nifty, alphabetical list that contains every single title – from A for 'awkward' to Z for 'zany'.
A
A collection of brain fartsA notebook on a desk beside an iPhone and a succulentAlgebra and other things the devil inventedAll the things I started writing, then thought, "fuck it"Arguments and conflicts I've had with myselfArguments I lost to ChatGPTAwkward yoga poses I got stuck inB
Birthdays and anniversary dates I always forgetBrainstorming and shitBrilliant ideas I had while drinking beerBrilliant ideas I had while drinking bourbonBrilliant ideas I had while drinking wineBrilliant ideas I had while poopingBrilliant ideas I had while smoking weedBrilliant ideas I'll never act onC
Cheat sheets for today's examChores he still hasn't done yetChristmas turkeys and other things that can get stuffedCo-workers I suspect are vampiresCo-workers I want to punch in the faceCo-workers I will get fired by the end of the yearConsequences of my actionsConspiracy theories I'm 75% sure are trueConversations I had with my smart refrigeratorD
Dipshit of the month nominationsDoodles I drew during important work meetingsDreams I'll never pursueDumb shit I blame on Mercury retrogradeDumb things I did without thinking them throughE
Emails I wish I had never sentEmails I won't respond toEmergency escape plans for family gatheringsEmployees I'm thinking about firingEntitlement and other things I'm entitled toEvil plans and unicorn drawingsExercise and other things I wish I could outsourceExistential thoughts I had in the bathtubF
Fake news and alternative factsForeign policy notes I've written in crayonFucking brilliant ideasG
Great comebacks I thought of three days laterGreat ideas and bad decisionsGrocery lists and plans for world dominationH
Hobbies I'll take up when I retireHomework I won't doH.R. horror storiesHypothetical arguments I've had in the showerI
Ideas on how to become a millionaire without starting an OnlyFansI have no idea what I'm doingInappropriate comments to make in serious situationsIndex of parents who I wish had never procreatedInspirational bullshitIntrusive thoughtsJ
Juicy workplace gossipJumping to conclusions and other sports I'm good atK
L
Late night conversations with ChatGPTLecture notes and penis doodlesLetter of resignation drafts and templatesLife advice from a professional trainwreckList of items I found after my husband had a man-lookList of my criminal convictionsList of my favorite pubic hair stylesList of online purchases I made while drinkingList of people who have wasted my timeList of people who underestimated me and how that worked out for themList of reasons why I hate my jobList of things I don't give a shit aboutLunch breaks and other reasons why I like my jobM
Meeting notes and other boring shitMeeting notes I'll probably never look at againMeetings and other things I don't do after 4:30pmMeetings I prefer to socially distance myself fromMeetings that could have been emailsMenopause and other things that get me heatedMondays and other things I've come to like since retirementMotivation and other things I left at homeMy archive of flying fucks I don't giveMy billion-dollar brainstorm bookMy book for drinking wine and judging peopleMy book for writing stuff and drawing penguinsMy book of passwords, secret codes and PIN numbersMy book to doodle in during writer’s blockMy book to stay organized as fuckMy book to write in to appear busyMy catalog of dad jokesMy deepest, darkest secrets and desiresMy diary for the shitshow I call lifeMy exhaustive list of fuck-ups (so far)My friends' and family's credit card detailsMy hopeless attempts at adultingMy journal for gratitude, self-care and winefulnessMy journal for when I'm barely holding it togetherMy kick-ass plans to become my own bossMy kids' Xmas wish lists and other delusionsMy list of bodies I buried in the woodsMy list of days that don't have enough hoursMy list of morally flexible ideasMy list of places I'd rather be than universityMy list of prison pen palsMy list of things I was right aboutMy list of things I was right about ...againMy list of things my husband was right aboutMy list of things my wife was right aboutMy list of things that have been mansplained to meMy most inappropriate thoughtsMy omnibus of pet peevesMy opinions nobody gives a shit aboutMy plans to take over the companyMy plans to take over the worldMy research into working alongside a bunch of moronsMy survival plans for the apocalypseMy wildest sexual achievementsN
Neighborhood gossip and other factsNew jobs and other anxious life momentsNew Year's resolutions and other casual promises I'm not obligated to fulfillNew Year's resolutions and other short-lived ideasNotebook 9 of 37Notes and other shit to write downNotes by the smartest person in the roomNotes for my next TED talkNotes from the meeting that solved nothing and ended lateO
Once-in-a-lifetime events I survivedP
Passwords, logins and other stuff I keep forgettingPeople I want to punch in the facePeople I wish I could flush down the toiletPeople I wish I hadn’t slept withPeople I'd like to wrap in Christmas paper and ship to the North PolePhotos from my colonoscopyPhotos of buttsPlaces I've been banned fromPlaces to visit before they sink underwaterPlans for the future (assuming we still have one)Poetry and other shit my brain comes up withPolitical opinions I got from TikTokPower moves and petty thoughtsProducts I complain about until they are on saleProject notes for whatever the hell this isLook mom, we’re famous!
Here’s a small selection of media outlets that have called us anything from ‘hilarious’ to ‘weird’.
Q
R
Random thoughts and other notes I'll turn into a book one dayReasons I want to speak to the managerReasons I will be on the naughty list this yearReasons I'm day drinkingReasons I'm going to hellReasons I'm hitting the pub tonightReasons I'm leaving the monarchyReasons my boss should let me continue to work from homeReasons why I don't play well with othersReasons why I like dogs more than peopleReasons why I mix my coffee with BaileysReasons why I should never be put on speakerphoneReasons why I shouldn't be left unsupervisedReasons why I think that this meeting is bullshitReasons why I won't be seizing the dayReasons why I'll never get promotedRecipes I will never makeRegulations I'd impose if I ran this nationRunning late and other sports I'm good at
S
Sexual positions I never knew existedSharting and other romantic gesturesShit H.R. wants me to stop sayingShit I have to rememberShit I have to write down because I'm oldShit I learned in school and never neededShit I should write downShit I started but never finishedShit my boss saysShit my husband saysShit my kids sayShit my wife saysShit that keeps hitting the fanShit that keeps me up at nightShit that you just can't make upShit that's on fire while I'm just adding marshmallowsShit that's none of your fucking businessShit they said is importantShit you shouldn't have to explain to adultsSmart things I yelled at the TVSmart things I'm going to say laterSnide remarks I need to keep to myselfSongs stuck in my head on repeatSpells and incantations people should fear me forSpells I have put on peopleStupid shit we do because we’ve always done it that wayStupid things my kids argue aboutT
Tales from the night shiftTasks I need to complete before I can watch NetflixTattoos and other regerts I haveText messages I sent when I was drunkThings I can put off until tomorrowThings I can't say out loudThings I found in my belly buttonThings I got blamed forThings I need to get done but probably won'tThings I only talk to my dog aboutThings I only tell my Chief of StaffThings I pretend to understand about lifeThings I should tell my therapistThings I thought were funny when I overheard them on the trainThings I want to do before I kick the bucketThings I want to say at school but shouldn'tThings I want to scream into the voidThings I was told by the voices in my headThings I wish I could say at parent-teacher conferencesThings I wish I could say to my mother-in-lawThings I won’t miss about Earth when I’m on MarsThings I worry about that don't fucking matterThings I would like to say but that will get me suedThings I'll most definitely regret, but here we fucking goThings in the NDA I can’t talk aboutThings I'd like to tell my boss but that would get me firedThings I'd never say out loud but share on social mediaThings I've done that remind me I'm a badassThings I’ve had to repeat more times than I can countThings I've said in my sleepThings my boss doesn't know about meThings my face says out loudThings my husband doesn't knowThings my mother "told me so"Things not to say during sexThings that are more important than my to-do listThings that were definitely not controversial yesterdayThings you shouldn't say on a planeThoughts and ideas from a pure fucking geniusThoughts that are too big for small mindsTimes I farted in yoga classTimes I was right and my boss took creditTimes I was right and nobody listenedTimes my cat was a real jerkTimes my crystal ball didn't workTimes when AI was more human than my co-workersTiny violin concertos I can play for youTricks my dog taught meU
Unofficial legal adviceUnofficial medical adviceUnsolicited advice I kept for posterityUnsolicited parenting adviceUseless shit I will buy when I'm rich as fuckUseless stuff to overthinkV
W
Ways to appear sober at family gatheringsWays to pretend I'm working hardWhat I would've said if I weren't so classyWords and phrases I keep mispelingWords that accidentally fell out of my mouthWork jokes and other coping mechanismsWork notes and other things I can ignoreWorld's okayest opinionsX
Y
Z
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