Chocolate Chip Cookies: A comedic rant about food blogs


12 May 2023 by WTF Notebooks

A stack of chocolate chip cookies

Listen, I'm not one to be dramatic (or am I?), but I'm pretty sure trying to find a simple online recipe nowadays is more difficult than performing brain surgery.

Seriously, what's with all these goddamn food blogs? They're like a virus spreading all over the internet, infecting every recipe you find with ads and life stories that have nothing to do with the dish you're trying to make.

You click on a recipe for chocolate chip cookies, and suddenly you're assaulted by an essay on how the author's grandma used to make these cookies when they were a kid, and how they remind them of home, and how they once made them for their high school sweetheart who then broke their heart, and blah blah blah. I don't care! I just want to make some goddamn cookies!

And don't get me started on my favorite topic: the ads. Every time you scroll down the page, there's another ad for some weird ingredient you've never even heard of, or for some kitchen gadget that looks like it belongs in a sci-fi movie. And don't even think about trying to skip them, because as soon as you click the little X in the corner, another one pops up in its place like a hydra. It's like playing whack-a-mole, except the moles are ads and the hammer is your fucking sanity.

And when you finally do get to the recipe, buried under a mountain of nonsense, the author will be like, "First, you'll need to preheat your oven to 350 degrees. While you wait, let me tell you about the time I went to Paris and ate a croissant that changed my life." And then you have to scroll down another mile to find the next step.

It's like trying to read a novel, except the novel is a recipe and you're starving.

And don't even try to tell me it's for SEO or something, because if I see one more recipe that starts with "my keto, gluten-free, vegan, paleo, Whole30 journey," I'm gonna lose it.

If you're a food blogger and you're reading this, please, for the love of all that is holy, just give us the recipe. We don't need your life story or your ads or your weird ingredients. Just tell us what to do and let’s bake some fucking chocolate chip cookies!

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